I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
