im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
