Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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