Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
