Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
