then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
