that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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