Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
