these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize