You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
