I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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