I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
