Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
