Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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