Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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