Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
