I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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