I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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