my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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