I wish I could teleport
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
