It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
