She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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