Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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