I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
