if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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