she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
