Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
