Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
