All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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