If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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