he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
