This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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