No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She even gives head with a lisp.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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