I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
