i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
