He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
