Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You pole danced in your parka.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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