I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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