Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
