Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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