now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize