I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
