So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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