I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
