garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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