oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
