Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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