How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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