paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
