Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize