I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Rumble strips road head = magical
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
