it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
