Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
