tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You took a bar mat shot.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
