Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
