atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
