somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
