She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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