the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
