it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
