I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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