what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
