can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
