evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dignity is for republicans.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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