worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
