Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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