Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
