I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
